A little apology to my elders.......

This week I made a greater effort to try and quiet my thoughts and practice the assigned excercise, and I succeeded (at least more than in the past)!
But first what I was happy to hear during the meditation is the references made to one of my favorite flowers the Lotus flower.
There are many varieties of this flower but each one for me brings a sense of peacefulness when I see a picture of it.  This excercise helped me to decide that this will be the oil painting I will paint (I am not an artist, but it is a simple pic), and place it above the fireplace, and it will be the first thing I see when I walk through the house in the am to start my day.

     Trying to give homage to my older relatives both who have passed and those living, I at first tried to select a person who had an impact on my life in terms of wisdom to live by, and although there were short memories here and there and some that I adore, I couldn't help but to think that the individuals that I have gained a lot from in terms of wisdom and understanding about the world we live in, have come from well read, educated, and or those with tons of world experience.  
I thouroughly enjoy listening the the cablenews stations espescially political and cultural issues, (I am alone in this, but thats ok), and I am reminded of a college professor,
 Melissa Harris-Perryhttp://melissaharrisperry.com/about.html,
who since having served as a pundit on MSNBC, she is now a paid commentator, and I look forward to her perspective on issues.  She explains things with such detail and clarity, that I envy her ability to express her thoughts in that way.
There are a number of others that I hold in high regard for their intelect and fearless approach to life, another is Richard Engel and his ability to discuss what is happening on the ground in Afganistan or Iraq, and then sit across from a news anchor a week later and discuss issues seamlessly.
There are a few people while trying to do this excercise that I was reluctant to choose because I felt compelled to choose a member of my family, and it might have been my 83 yr old uncle who I love dearly, and he has experienced a lot and talks alot and I mean alot about everybody, and thats when I question the validity of his wonderful stories!

I began trying to finish my education in the Human Services field, and I remember the question kept coming up about having personally experienced certain things in life before being able to help others with the same issues.
I am not sure that I agree with that statement, because where would we be or the many populations in our world that need long term assistance if they had to wait until only those that "walked in their shoes" came along?
There are numerous stories of  people that come from very wealthy or secluded backgrounds that are presently living among people from cultures totally opposite of who they are.
There are health care workers, I think of Doctors Without Borders, to name one that repeatedly seek to help peolple who literally have nothing and are in a crisis, and will not be able to pay for their care, but the reward of helping others is all that one will get.
I truley believe that the "open mind and open heart", is what is needed first when making the decision to help those who need it regardless of who it is.

Loving-Kindness Excercise & Integral Assessment

                              
                          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIJrqFeb4qM

What has this got to do with anything?  Nothing.  Its just me getting a kick out of finding unusual things in life and loving learning about other cultures!  Yes an African American singing in Mongolia, notice the looks on the faces in the audience!

This weekend I once again found myself looking into my possible future through someone else's life.

The Loving Kindness excercise I let repeat itself in the background while I did other work late into the night, although the idea is to utilize it as a tool for meditation, I found it soothing (still loving the sound of waves) and I will get on the other side of my feelings of anxiety I am having this weekend.

Friday, I had a conversation with Ron, the father  of both my sons regarding 'grandma', we are all close and I would say it was one of many conversations regarding her living conditions, and her innability to manage virtually everything now as she is now in her mid 80's.
In addition to this her son (who is Ron's twin) and has been disabled since early childhood, has always lived with her but could have functioned well in a group home if she would have "let go" many years ago.
As you can imagine the other siblings all men, are very attached to her but very frustated and very worried about the inevitable, and of course no wants to be the heavy handed person and hurt her feelings and take over.
As I have blogged and posted some of my thoughts about caring for my disabled son, I don't often talk about the subtle comments and sometimes direct in your face questions regarding what my plans are when my son reaches adulthood, what are my plans when I am physically not able to care for him?
What level of assessment is this?  I recognize the intent of others to determine my awareness of the realities of caring for a severely disabled person.  I recongnize that pre-planning and personal development are essential as I have made significant structural changes in my home over the years, and finally allowed the county agencies present to me what they are able to offer.
And as I mentioned in our introduction  my son was a malpractice case, therefore the legal system has an input in terms of what options are available for his care, the school district has their input, and then there is the medical community who I consider "ground zero", in terms of his longevity and quality of life.
But even with all my tools and educated wisdom (as I consider it), I feel like grandma, I feel that this is my son, and as Dacher describes I am at a level where I am stuck and becoming 'out of balance', when the subject comes up, and like many special needs parents you feel no one will or can do the job that you can.

Is it too early for a cocktail?

Well maybe right now it is, but I just needed to lighten the mood a little.
I do feel however, that whether in our careers or on a personal level interacting with friends and family it is essential to provide support and advice when necessary and this may include things they are not ready to hear

Sorry, But I am exhausted from trying to figure out how to attach my powerpoint!

I have even enlisted help and we can't figure it out.
I am using an Open Office program, so I guess it may be too late anyway.  OH WELL!

My Thoughts About the Subtle Mind

Tibetan Sand Mandala
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uazRvR9p0w


     One of my favorite things I used to do is to attend the Universal Light Expo, held in Columbus, OH each year in October. http://www.universeexpo.com/
Even though it can get quite crowded, and there is much to see and do, I make it a point to wander over to watch the progress of the Sand Mandala created by Tibetan Monks, if anyone has watched this being done it is a very worthwhile experience, and for me you can almost stand and meditate while watching their discipline even with the crowd all around.
The Healing Mandala, is said to have positive energy within them and the energy is generated to all those that view it.  The monks chant and ask for healing blessings, and by the end of the 2 day expo it is completed and blown away to spread healing blessings even further.  I have got to make it another expo next year!
I kinda would have enjoyed making our own Mandala's for this course they can be beautiful as well as personal.

     The comparison of the "subtle mind", as I understand it involves using distinctive breathing techniques to assist with quieting your mind in order to focus.
Although the distraction of wondering thoughts interfere with the practice, in time it will be easier to get these distractions to fade and eventually not be allowed to interfere with the meditation.
With the love and kindness exercise, the focus is geared towards the health and wellness of those that you care for and love and sometimes those that you simply wish well.
The theory behind love and kindness is to absorb the loving thoughts you have for others into your meditation practice, as it will allow you to take in their suffering or circumstances and turn them into positive energies, sending that back out into the world.

I believe the key to developing spiritual, physical, and mental wellness is finding the method that works for you but has ultimate goal of giving you inner peace.
I have long been on that quest to find what works, but it has pertty much left me with a lot of interest and hobbies.  However, more and more I am finding that the physical self is not bouncing back as quickly such being able to function on very little sleep.  And I do believe that this lack of sleep and no doubt added responsiblities tend to affect virtually everything else that I do and think.
So, I realize now that a starting point for me is dealing with getting adequate rest, and yes excercise.

Remembering a wonderful time and place!

 
THE COSTA DEL SOL, MALAGA, SPAIN
I wish I could talk about the relaxing and meditative results from trying to implement the excercise as suggested from the Dacher cd, but finding the time and place to quiet my mind, along with battling an ugly sinus infection made the experience for me a opportunity to get a little more shut eye!
However, I found that the background sound of the waves crashing to shore took me to a magical time in my life when I first traveled to Spain and our student tour group finally got to the coast after 5 days of travel!  In Malaga, Spain, I thought ok I'll enjoy the beach with my group although I am more of an "ancient ruins" tourist, I'll put my feet in the sand and sleep and eat. 
After another full day of touring we finally ended up exhausted for the evening, so my roomates and I (both who were Puerto Rican, which helped alot with language) were trying to sleep but laughing hysterically because the tour bus driver (middle-aged Spaniard guy), had a crush on one of my roomates, and his room was located right above ours.  We listened as he tried to sing love songs to her and tapped on the floor, I guess as a code to try to get her to come meet him, you can't make this stuff up! 
What I remember from that nite is that we obviously fell into a deep sleep, and I was awakened by the hard crashing of the waves against the wall a short distance from our hotel.  I sat up in bed and thought to myself I have never heard anything so beautiful in my entire life, and it was the most peaceful meditative feeling where for a brief moment I thought how can I make this happen permanently, how wonderful it must be to live right on the ocean.
You see, being from Cleveland, located on the lake, most times it is just a cold body of water when you look at it, as I had never been to the ocean before so to live on the ocean in warm temperatures year round right on the Mediteranean, I thought this is the life for me!

A CITY STREET IN MALAGA, SPAIN

That's what I got out of listening to the cd, unintended for sure, but I do understand the aim of "loving-kindness" and why it should be practiced regulary to achieve integral health, however, I believe this goal can be met for me by taking myself back to a time and place that gave me the peace and comfort I seek today. 
 I am now in search of a cd with those same sounds and I will treat myself to some great soy candles, and incense for Christmas and listen to my waves, I bet the ability to meditate, will be found in these activities, can't wait!