RATING MYSELF: I'll try to stay in reality for this one!

     I have started to really talk to my 17 yr old son about being very careful in the decisions that he makes now whether it is the friends and associates he has or even choosing to get a tattoo, because as he goes through life and matures and keeps an open mind to learning he should change his views on some things and be careful about making decisions that potentially are very permanent and damaging.

     At this particular time in my life I will rate myself a --6-- for my physical well being because everything that I know about life so far and what I know about myself is that if I would discipline myself to excercise and join the walkers and runners I see everyday on my street I would feel much better, I would have the energy level to do all that I try to do, and most of all my beginning stages of heart disease which is hereditary would probably subside.

I don't head my own advice, in the area of excercise, but I thoroughly believe that it is the answer to many issues, and I have work to do to find the discipline and time, but at least I understand where I am at with this.

     Spiritually, I will rate myself an 8, I recently commented on someone's blog that I have reached the point where I openly express that I am Agnostic, and that I periodically take time to read Buddhist teachings, and writings.  I feel a weight has been lifted from me in terms of going for so long in life trying to conform to particular environment or discussion I would have at the time, and not in agreement with their beliefs but just wasn't willing to get into a heavy discussion or confrontation.

With Buddhism, the teachings or Dharma is just that teachings, and I  believe it provides a path to guide you through life, opposed to worshiping a God that is many things to many people and leaving myself open to much hypocrisy.

After traveling through several countries and witnessing different religions practicing what I believed to be its purest form, I am very comfortable in my choice to be Agnostic.

     Psychologically, that is a little more difficult, because in terms of my concerns about politics and social issues, and problems on a global scale and how they affect my life I would say that I am a 7,  because I am alway listening and learning about what is going on in the world, but I don't actively have the time to do more than what I am doing in my life right now.

In terms of a more personal rating, I will rate myself a 9.  Aside from wishing I had more money, I feel that I am doing everything within my power to raise my two sons even though one is quite challenging because of his physical disabilities.  This is based on feedback from other family members and professionals, I think if it weren't for their positive comments I would feel differently.

Yet, my mental health is always a work in progress because as they say "s---  happens.".

     The primary goal that needs a lot of work at this time in my life is excercise.  There are no real excuses that are legitimate and keep me from doing at least 30 min a day and of course eating properly.  Once again I do believe this will have a positive effect on every aspect of my well being.

    

       As for the the relaxation excercise, I relaxed alright, to the point of falling asleep!

Pardon me while I escape into my world of beads!

   A Moroccan Souk Selling Beads and 
                                                                                     Gemstones!

Okay, its late and I have drifted into looking at beads online and remembering a trip I took thru Morocco, about 20 years ago (goodness it doesn't seem that long), and walking thru souks (open markets), where you have vendors selling all kinds of spices you've never heard of in one stall and then loose beads that are just breathtaking in another!  And this is where my love of beads began.

It is almost meditative and spiritual for me to touch layers and layers of beads as I did at a gem and jewlery show this past weekend.  Unfortunately, though I can't buy as much as I would like so I try to choose carefully. 
My girlfriend that I ususally attend these shows with has no interest in beads so she wonders off to look at jewlery only and I walk through my world of beads and talk to fellow beadaholics.

I also used this time to mentally prepare for the visit to the surgeon regarding my son's medical problems with reflux.
He will indeed need surgery,  for what we hope will allow him a better quality of life.
But it is still pending on more testing to determine how envasive the surgery should be.
I really appreciated the surgeon who I am familiar with, spending alot of time (which they normally don't have) and listening to my concerns about having such a social and congnitive 16 yr old who looks forward to every day, already confined to a body with Cerebral Palsy, be further affected by procedures with a 50/50 outcome. 
I have worked with surgeons and other medical professionals before who tend to get lost in their specialty and don't always see the patient, but I did feel that at least for that moment he talked to me as another parent concerned about their own child.
I guess it relates to what we are learning about mind body and spirit.

So, yes I look to my love of beading and other forms of meditation to help me with such important decisions in addition to gradually incorporating Buddhism into my daily life, which is a topic for another day.

Just wanted to share this video, Elton John still going strong.

Hi everyone,

Just in between doing some reading and listening to a report on CNN about the current Cholera outbreak in Haiti, please say a prayer, light a candle, or share your thoughts if you want, just a bad situation for their country and for mankind.
Also, I am reminded of this wonderful song I heard performed by Elton John and Leon Russell the other day, the words and melody are quite soothing, enjoy, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJm7XoJtfI8

EXPLAINING THE NAME OF MY BLOG SITE

     Not that anyone so far has really asked me what is meant by "Reality is Optional", but it just occurred to me after a recent phone conversation I just had, that at this time in my life as I have reached middle age but not feeling a huge difference physically (until I look in the mirror of course), trying to get my 17yr old son off to college next year, caring for my 16 yr old son who is disabled and enjoys life as only he can, tolerating two small dogs, feeding a few fish that insist on living, and trying to get my BS in Public Health.  There is just not enough time in the day, so tell me please, how is that there are so many people it seems more now than ever, that just can't or won't handle their own responsiblities, but decide that they will not accept or acknowledge simple truths and move on, just put one foot in front of the other and move on.
 
As an only child with not a lot of  interaction from my own mother, I would say this allowed me to grow up very independently and self sufficient  sometimes to a fault.  I always tell the story about tearing down my kitchen and doing my own remodel, eventually using a freelance carpenter who told my older son to "please take the power tools away from your mother!"
But anyway,  I am a strong advocate for living and dealing with realities as much as possible and facing your weaknesses.  Maybe its my younger son who is very cognitive and quite social but can't speak and although learning to use a high tech electronic device, we just simply communicate with him through giving him choices and his reading his facial expressions.
His smiles and laughter are so genuine.
His tears are real and keep flowing until they just stop,
His worries for family and classmates generate vocal sounds and raised eyebrows,

Therefore, I realized when he was quite young that he controls his environment through the simple realities and limitations of his world nothing more, nothing less, He truly doesn't lie or try to manipulate or use others for more than he absolutely needs (except for extra smiles when he and his brother would like more video games).

I know for many, life is incredibly difficult, espescially after unforseen events, but for others that just decide "I just don't wanna", no rhyme or reason I just don't, and I'll make life more challenging for others "just because".
Hence, my choice to name this site because on most days you have options, and just remember many others don't.

Having to make some tough choices soon....

Hi all,

     Its about 1:12am and I am wide awake drinking coffee (I know, I know), trying to do some research on surgery(ies) my 16yr old son who has CP will have soon for problems with reflux.
This is tough because I am having to decide how invasive a surgery he should have.

I have always follwed the theory "if it ain't broke don't fix it", however, the surgeon who performed a previous procedure, will probably put a little pressure on me to take care of as much as possible, but there are the negatives that must be considered.
As my cousin, a registered nurse reminds me that surgeons "just want to cut, they are surgeons"!  I must keep his position in perspective.

As I have spent many nites now listening for my sons coughing, waiting to see if I need to go in and make sure he is ok, I lean towards wanting to do everything possible to proivde him with the best quality of life he can have, that means all the surgery needed.
But when he gets home from school and I make him comfortable for the evening in his wheelchair, and he watches his sports and favorite tv shows (his latest is Glee, and he dances when they sing, so fun to watch), I just want to make him comfortable and as pain free as possible so he can keep on dancing and enjoying what he does in life.

I thought I would have had a grip on quality of life, but I guess it is alway changing.